My Retreat With God...at the KOA

by Jenny

I realized after a particularly stressful day of homeschooling, mothering yada yada…that I have never spent time alone for very long. 
I've been married over 16 years, have four kids, and have never spent the night by myself. I have been away from the kids and from Gregg for women's retreats or on short trips but even then I was sharing a room with other women. I have never spent the night all by myself in silence- not since I've been married. 
Well, after this particularly stressful day I decided I needed to have some silence, some quiet. The thought had entered my head on and off for the past three months that it might be nice to spend the night in a hotel room or something. But it felt selfish to me. I almost reached a breaking point Wednesday and I realized that this time of quiet needed to happen. It must happen. It was a necessity. I decided that with some recent money I had made from selling jewelry that it wouldn't cost from our family budget so there was no guilt (not that this guilt came from anybody but me- in fact, when I approached the option months ago, hubby was ready to book me a hotel room).
I decided I wanted a cabin versus a hotel room because I didn't really want people on either side of me. I have a tendency to need to talk out loud, especially when I'm praying. And I didn't want to be hindered by others around me. Plus I seem to really feel close to God in nature so I called the KOA that's just five minutes from the house and reserved a cabin, the smallest cabin they have, for the next day.  She must've heard the desperation in my voice because she quickly offered 25% off and then early check in and a late check out the following day. I began to make a list of what I wanted to get out of this quiet time and what I should bring – my Bible, journal, book to read.... I knew that God wanted me to work through something big. I knew I needed physical rest, spiritual rest, and emotional rest. I would also need to bring my own sheets, pillow, blankets and anything else I might need because this was a bare-bones cabin. No bathroom, no kitchen. 
The next morning I knew that this was still something I needed to do because of my impatient attitude and anger that I had all morning with the kids. I was packed and ready to go pretty early but I needed to wait until I put the baby down for her nap in order to really feel like it was okay to leave the kids until Gregg got home from work. I decided to keep a journal of my time there...

2:15pm: I arrived. Well, I knew the cabin would be small, but when I arrived and spotted the little beauty I realized it was even smaller than I thought. But that was okay I didn't need much room. I also thought I might be surrounded a little bit more with nature versus campsites and RVs. But when you need to get away with God and you've already made the reservation you can't be picky. The first thing I did when I walked in was take a picture, after that I decided to set up my new little home for the next 24 hours. I made my bed, I put my food in the mini fridge and I proceeded to pray throughout the cabin (I took two steps forward) that God would be with me for the next 24 hours. That I would dedicate those hours to him to focus on him, to grow in him. 

9:15pm: Well it's been about 7 hours now as I type this and I find that the quiet can be a little hard. I find myself definitely talking out loud, I also worshiped earlier and I am very thankful no one was around to hear that. But I had an awesome time with the Lord in worship. I prayed, cried, sang, read the Word outloud, prayed some more.
I have found the time on my hands a little daunting. I realized that I straightened my mug, napkin & spoon, and pile of books a couple of times already (I'm gonna make a great OCD old person in a home...). I also found myself looking at my clock several times at first and wondering what the kids were doing at that moment while they were all at home.
I would pray, then listen, get distracted, try to listen some more, pray....waiting to hear from God is difficult. I feel like I have ADHD when I try to listen for something from the Holy Spirit...
There was a tv in the cabin and I brought my computer to work on blog posts in case God worked out everything in me real quick and I was bored. 
No chance of that. 
It's also about 35° right now and I have one little space heater in the room. It's supposed to get down to 20° and feel like 9°. I hope this little space heater has enough to last me through the night and the morning....


10:30pm: I caved and texted Gregg and he brought me a space heater and down comforter from home. I thought about saying, "I've had a great time so far- let's go home" but I didn't. I wanted to spend the night by myself- and God.


12:07am: I woke up with my heart racing. I decided to read and pray some more. As I was praying and reading earlier, I had a picture in my mind and it didn't make any sense. I asked God to fill me in why I kept getting the same vision....no answer. Now to get back to sleep.


6:05am: Woke up to some freaky crinkly sound by the wall in the package of water bottles I brought. The sound was getting louder! I thought for sure it was a mouse. Heart racing, I turned on the flashlight app and slipped on my shoes, I flicked the light on real quick! Nothing.... I think it was the water was so cold it was affecting the plastic. Since I was wide awake I decided to walk to the bathroom. Did I mention yet that I had to walk to the bathroom...when I first got there I decided to walk the circle of the park every time I went to the bathroom to get fresh air and exercise more. This time I did not walk. I ran back to get under the covers. Maybe I should have got the hotel room...and a spa treatment. Why did I want a cabin?!


9:30am: Got the most sleep since the little bathroom run at 6. Tossed and turned all night. It was hard to sleep with out Gregg next to me. Now for some more quiet time...


12:30pm: I had a great last couple hours reading and praying. The first verse I read this morning was the literal word of the vision I kept having. God's so cool like that. It took a while for me to get an answer but he came through. I was confused and had just decided to write it down and wait on God. He always comes through. Not in the time we may want but his timing. I'm cold, tired, and feel drained- I think I'll head home early.


Now that I'm home I want to reflect... I am thankful for a husband that did not hesitate to support me spending time alone. I am glad that I took this time- I realized that as a stay at home homeschooling mother, I rarely have time to myself. I think that I get wrapped up in serving my kids, training them, ministry, household tasks, etc that I often forget to get alone with God. When I do take time to 'check out' I spend that time on my phone, watching tv, or reading, but rarely with God. I think I re-learned how important and vital to my relationship with Him to 'check out' with Him. "To block out all noise and stress and zone out" would be my description of 'checking out' and to do all those things while praying and meditating on his Word, is what I was able to do during this retreat. 
During this time I was not only able to reflect, refresh, realize, but make goals for myself and our family. I'm amazed and thankful for all that I learned. 
I really think I need to make time like this on a regular basis, maybe yearly. But maybe next time will be at a spa.